We all know that money will ruin marriages. Many couples that divorce will cite money as being one of their major issues. One spouse spends too much, one spouse controls all the money. It is rare that both spouses have the same view on money.

I was reading the other day about a couple where the other spouse hid $50k of debt prior to their marriage. This will not end well and despite the fact that they did not have adequate communication, adding the stress of finances to a relationship will make the situation that much worse.

It is not always marriages that can be ruined from money but you can lose friends and family over financial problems as well.

A few months before I declared bankruptcy I was still in denial that I was in that much trouble. I thought maybe I could make it through but when I started to really look at the numbers I realized that there was no hope.

There was a month where I thought if I could at least pay the mortgage on my home I might be able to make it until next payday to pay the rest, but I was still around $800 short. I remember sitting in my coworkers office and telling him about my dilemma. He was always fairly blunt with me and he asked me straight out, are you asking me for money.

I sat there for a second and told him I would pay him back. We could even draw up a loan document and agree to terms. Of course he said he would but that he wanted me to make sure I paid him back. The day that he handed me the check he laughed and said, I’m about to be screwed aren’t I.

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Bankruptcy Was the Only Option

It was not long after that I declared bankruptcy.

We met with a debt counselor, the kind that has their office next to the jail, down the hall from the bail bondsmen. It was intimidating and embarrassing and I imagine other families that entered this office in dire straights feeling the same thing. The office was setup to help low income families with advice on how to overcome their debt issues.

The advisor looked at our situation and told us with the amount of debt the only real choice was to declare bankruptcy. I felt defeated. I always thought I could provide for my family. I had worked for so long keeping my head above water but now I was truly drowning.

You Need Money to File

The problem with bankruptcy at this point was that we had to have money to actual file and that was not possible. I went in to work the next day trying to figure out how to get through the next month and save enough to file.

They put us in touch with a lawyer and we worked out a plan to pay over time but we still needed the $800 to actual start the process. I walked into my office a few days later and a different coworker who had gone through the process before handed me an envelope with $800 in it and told me that I did not have to pay it back.

I hugged her and cried a bit and then called the lawyer to tell him that we intend to declare that week. That evening I drove to the bank to deposit the money and my truck stalled in the parking lot. The battery was dead and we needed a new one. Luckily I had just enough to pay for the battery and still declare but it was another moment that I thought life could not get any worse.

I am about to get screwed.

My friend I borrowed money from.

When we declared we had to list all of our debts, including the debt to my coworker. He laughed the day he got the letter but our relationship was never the same and I still owe him the money he lent me, which I intend to still pay him back.

It’s been over 10 years and I haven’t talked to him since. Maybe we could have kept the relationship going but the embarrassment and the anxiety ruined it. Just like the saying goes, never loan money to friends or family, it also stands true, never borrow money from friends or family. Ultimately money tears it apart.