Mental illness can have a substantial impact on your health as well as your finances. In turn, your finances can have a substantial impact on your mental health. This is why I include mental health in my writing on a personal finance blog.

I have mentioned that my spouse suffers from mental illness. That is what led us to file bankruptcy as the medical bills were mounting. What I typically do not talk about is how my mental health was impacted during this time.

Recently I wrote a term paper for a management course I am taking. The topic of the paper was a period in your life that had an impact on your personality and leadership. It was meant to describe how certain situations can shape the way you manage people.

I always talk about having the patience to deal with the mental illness my spouse was suffering from, but oftentimes I neglect the issues that I faced during this time.

An Incident of Road Rage

There was an incident of road rage that I remember so vividly. We were in the heart of our financial troubles, and my spouse was at the worst of her illness.

We were traveling from Charleston South Carolina to Greensboro North Carolina the day before Thanksgiving. As usual, the road was packed with other holiday travelers and people were impatient. There was one moment that the car alongside me tried to speed up past me in a line of cars and it sent my blood pressure through the roof while I screamed in frustration.

It was at that moment that I realized I was not taking care of my own mental health. My blood was boiling and I needed to calm down before I ran someone off the road. I was frightened at what I had become and immediately regretted yelling.

A little while later I pulled into the slow lane and just kept a steady pace. I told myself that I would never get to that point again and have taken steps to mitigate these issues.

When I returned after Thanksgiving that year I pledged to do better, not just in my relationship but in myself.

Learning to Focus on Myself

I focused on myself, my health, and my mental well-being. I took the steps to lose weight, manage my anger, and become more patient with my finances and my own mental health.

Within a few months, I had started to lose the weight that I had put on from depression and overeating. I focused more on eating healthy and as I lost weight I began to work out more. I found a routine that I truly enjoyed and stuck with it.

The routine consisted of a powerlifting workout and quite a bit of cardio. While running on the trail one day I noticed a team playing lacrosse at the YMCA fields near my house. When I got home I called the Y and asked who they were. They put me in touch with the coach and I asked if I could come out to help.

Local Lacrosse Coach Needed Help

I had been playing lacrosse most of my life and thought this was a perfect opportunity to continue my fitness while getting involved in my community.

The first practice there were a few players that called me old-man and one that jokingly made fun of my shape. High-schoolers, ugh. While I did not like what they said again it made me realize that I needed to do more for my health.

I was close to turning forty and still in the worst shape of my life. A few weeks later I added more cardio, started attending a Saturday boot camp, and refined my weight lifting routine. That year I surpassed all my personal bests. I was running close to thirty miles a week and lifting more weight than I ever had in my entire life.

Lowest Weight Since High School

I went from the most I ever weighed at 250lbs to 205lbs in just over a year. I had abdominal muscles again and was running close to ten miles on any given Sunday.

I was in better shape then when I was being recruited as a division one athlete. With my body in shape I still needed to work on my mind. The good thing about all of this exercise is that my mental health was getting better as well. No longer was I focusing on the anger, but I was putting the anger toward my workout.

I set goals. It started with the lifting. Increase my deadlift to 200lbs, increase my bench to 225lbs, do more than ten pull-ups at a time. Each month I would check these goals off of my list. My deadlifts were over 300lbs by the time I stopped, my bench was at 250lbs. I was able to do more than 18 pull-ups and a hundred push-ups.

Physical Fitness Improves Mental Well-being

My mental health improved tenfold. With each goal, I became even more patient. I knew that I had to take charge of my life and become a better person. This led me to who I am today.

I still made mistakes. There were choices that I wish I had done differently but I learned from every mistake. I took personal responsibility for my choices. I looked within and would analyze each decision I made.

When the company I worked for decided to move me to Colorado I took the chance. When the company started to close its doors I found a better job. When a new opportunity presented itself I did not hesitate.

Make It About You

Every decision in the past ten years was for me. The mistakes I made while I was dealing with the mental illness of my partner were no longer a factor. What is amazing is that each decision was better for my family.

Less stress, more money, and a satisfying job sent ripples throughout the people around me. I was happier, my family was happier and our lives were better. This is what happens when you focus on your mental health.

I often read about families that are torn apart by illness. Whether that is health-related or stems from a mental illness, being the caregiver is not easy. The strength it takes is often too much work for most people. If you can find the strength everyone’s life will be much better for it.

Find Your Inner Strength

Inner strength is the last for me to work on. I still need to work on my skills in meditation. I am a firm believer in having a good therapist as well as taking advantage of the employee assistance program (EAP) that my company offers.

I have also subscribed to the power of positive thinking. I told my wife several years ago that I wanted to be well regarded in my profession. Now I sit on several boards, have earned the respect of many of my colleagues, and began giving back by teaching courses.

It goes without saying that you need to manage your mental health in order to succeed. Challenge yourself, find the courage, use the power of positive thinking. We all face difficult times in our lives, it is how we respond that makes us who we are.

This pandemic has allowed me to put the focus back on me again. I am in better shape, physically, mentally, and financially.